Lawak!!!! kalau tak rasa lawak, maaf ya..

Pak Pandir Beli Durian

Pak Pandir pergi ke sebuah pekan untuk membeli buah durian... lalu dia menghampiri seorang penjual buah durian yang merupakan orang asli tempatan...
Pak Pandir : "Bang harga durian ini berapa?"
Org Asli : "yang ini.. sepopit sebiji"
Pak Pandir kebingungan mendengar jawapan dalam bahasa orang asli itu kerana dia tidak memahami berapa nilainya sepopit itu.. lalu Pak Pandir buat-buat tahu dan cuba menawarinya..
Pak Pandir : "Bang.. Boleh kurang sikit tak"?Org Asli : "Boleh aje, nak kurang berape?
Pak Pandir : "Lahupa.. boleh ya!"
Penjual orang asli itu kebingungan.. lalu bertanya pada Pak Pandir...
Org Asli : "Lahupa itu berapa?"
Pak Pandir : "Cakap dulu.. Sepopit itu berapa?"

Ubat Anti Gempa
Di satu kaki lima yang sibuk di sebuah kota, terdengar seorang penjual ubat sedang mempromosikan ubat jualannya.
Penjual ubat : Mari! Mari! Abang, adik, kakak, makcik, pakcik! Saya ingin memberitahu anda semua sesuatu. Sebentar lagi bandar ini akan dilanda gempa! Sekiranya anda semua mahu selamat, cubalah ubat saya ini! Nescaya anda tidak akan merasakan gempa bumi itu walau sedikit pun! Saya telah menjualnya di merata pelosok dunia dan setakat ini tiada yang merungut tentang kesahihannya! Cubalah! Bandar ini bakal dilanda gempa pada tepat jam 11.30 pagi nanti!!
Orang ramai yang lalu lalang di situ pun terpinga-pinga mendengarnya. Oleh kerana ada yang percaya apa sahaja boleh berlaku dalam dunia hari ini, mereka pun tanpa was-was berduyun-duyun membeli ubat anti-gempa tersebut.Jam sudah hampir 11.30 pagi. Semakin ramai yang berkerumun untuk membeli ubat tersebut.
Dalam ramai-ramai itu adalah seorang pakcik yang tergesa-gesa membelinya kerana waktu gempa sudah semakin hampir. Pakcik itu dan mereka yang lain pun terus memakan ubat tersebut untuk mengelak dari merasakan gempa bumi yang bakal berlaku.Jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 11.30 pagi. Satu minit berlalu...dua minit berlalu.....hingga minit yang ke sepuluh, pakcik tadi pun berteriak kepada penjual ubat itu.
Pakcik : Eh! Dah lama dah ni! Mana gempanya? Awak tipu kami ya?
Penjual ubat : Haa! Kan betul apa saya kata! Pakcik tak merasakan apa-apa gempa pun kerana memakan ubat saya! Itu menandakan ubat saya sangat mujarab!!Pakcik : ????

Belimbing
Dalam satu pertandingan antara buah-buahan tempatan, berkatalah buah durian dengan angkuhnya "Siapa lagi diantara kamu yang sanggup berlawan dengan aku, aku percaya tiada lagi yang dapat mengalahkan aku". Dikalangan buah-buahan tempatan yang mendengar kata-kata durian itu berkatalah belimbing kepada durian "Kalau kau setuju aku akan membawa saudaraku untuk bertarung dengan kamu" mendengar kata-kata belimbing tadi durian pun ketawa sembil berkata "Ha.. Ha.. ha.. aku tau kau nak membawa belimbing besi untuk bertarung dengan aku kan,.. silakan bawalah berapa ramai sekali pun mereka kemari aku sedia menerima cabaran mereka" Buah-buah lain yang hadir di pertandingan itu menasihatkan belimbing agar membatalkan saja niatnya untuk membawa saudaranya bertarung dengan durian, tetapi belimbing tetap berkeras hendak membawa saudaranya bertarung. Belimbing merasa geram dengan sikap durian yang semakin sombong dan angkuh.

Maka belimbing pun membawa saudaranya masuk ke dalam gelangang dan pertandingan pun bermula. Durian dengan angkuhnya baring sambil meniarap di gelangang dan berkata "Aku beri peluang saudaramu ini untuk menghempap diriku dulu dan kita akan lihat nanti siapa yang merasa sakit pula ha..ha..ha.." kata durian dengan sombongnya. Maka dihempap lah durian oleh saudara belimbing tadi. Dengan hanya sekali hempap durian pecah dan terbelah dua. Durian yang agaak terkejut dan merasa sakit lantas bangun dan menoleh kepada saudara belimbing tadi. Durian merasa terkejut melihatkan saudara belimbing tadi lalu berteriak dan mengadu kepada Cempedak yang mengadili pertandingan tersebut "Hoiii... mana aci macam ni, ini dah kira tipu.. dia ni kan penyu belimbing, kalau macam ni matilah aku..."

Moral : Jangan suka mencabar tanpa usul periksa.


Minta Tolong

Seorang gadis sedang sibuk menulis di atas meja di dalam pejabat pos. Tiba - tiba dia didatangi oleh seorang lelaki separuh umur."Maaf kan saya,"kata lelaki itu. "Saya nak minta tolong sedikit ni....boleh tak saudari menulis dan menghantar poskad ini bagi pihak saya?" Gadis tersebut bersetuju dan meminta barang - barang tersebut. Dia juga tidak kisah untuk menandatanganinya selepas menulisnya nanti.

"O.k! Siap,"kata gadis tersebut tersenyum sambil menghulurkan poskad yang telah ditulis dan ditandatanganinya. Gadis itu pun meminta diri . Tak sampai beberapa langkah berjalan, gadis itu berhenti kerana dipanggil oleh lelaki tadi. Sambil senyum gadis itu bersuara, "Er...ada apa-apa lagi yang boleh saya lakukan untuk encik?" "Ya," jawab lelaki tersebut. "Di bahagian bawah poskad ini tolong tuliskan

:P/S - Maafkan saya kerana tulisan ini tidak cantik."

Telinga

Suatu petang datang seorang lelaki berumur ke kelinik ENT, kerana telinganya di masuki biji kacang hijau semasa dia membeli barang dapur di pasar.
Doktor: "Selamat petang..."Pesakit: "Selamat petang Doktor!"
Doktor: "Ada masaalah apa ...?"
Pesakit: "Telinga saya dimasuki biji kacang hijau, Doktor..."
Doktor: "Biar saya periksa telinga anda!"
Doktor pun lalu memeriksa telinganya,dan rupanya biji kacang tersebut cukup susah di ambil malah mungkin perlu pembedahan.
Doktor: "Ada 2 cara untuk mengeluarkan biji tersebut..."Pesakit: "Apa caranya doktor?"
Doktor: "Pembedahan kecil kosnya 2 ribu ringgit dan pilihan kedua pula percuma..."
Pesakit: "Mahal sangat Doktor, kalau yang percuma bagaimana?"
Doktor: "Yang percuma kena sabar..."
Pesakit: "Baik, saya sabar, dan bagaimana caranya...?"
Doktor: "Anda sirami telinga anda 2 kali sehari dan nanti jika sudah jadi 'tauge' anda tinggal tarik keluar."
Pesakit: "???????????"

Cuti sakit

Suatu hari, Salmah ponteng sekolah. Dia telefon guru kelasnya dan menyamar sebagai ibunya.
Salmah : Hello, adakah itu Cikgu Aminah binti Ali, guru kelas tahun 6 hijau?
Cikgu : Ya, saya.
Salmah : Cikgu, hari ini Salmah tidak dapat hadir ke sekolah kerana sakit.
Cikgu : Ok...ok..., er...boleh saya tahu siape yang sedang bercakap?
Salmah : Emak saya...

Talking about past life

While teaching my six-formers, I had the chance to share some of my experience with them when I was first postetd to Pekan to take my teaching post.Nice sharing some thoughts with them. My experience about my father who had health problems and how the tok bomoh from Air Hitam, Mr Bahari helped my father to recover... My first posting to SMK. Dato Mahmud mat and two teachers Mr Gan and Tengku Ahmad who create havoc in the first two years of my teaching there.

Its nice to reflect your past, once in a while, the good ones and also the bad ones. Memories are memories and must me cherished all the time. I used to tell my kids. Enjoy every moment in the school. You will never experience it again. School life for a kid must be fun and not over stress on examination. The pressure will make them sick.

When I first enter the form four'09 (the weakest class)I had a lot of dreams to achieve with them. I was expecting just too much from them. Sometimes I feel very distresswhen they are not cooperating with me. I was worried that I may fail. A good discussion with Mr Tong has helped me a lot to change my perceptions towards the kids. Now i am not expecting too much from them. i enjoy teaching them. Yesterday, one of the kid ask me, Sir How the electricity is generated? Another one was amused, "wei, this is commerce ok. Why you are asking this question?" The kid replied, "Mr Karthik knows a lot of thing". I feel so proud to be his reference and thank him for having a high regard on me. These kids need friends to talk, they want somebody to appreciate the little knowledge they have. They want to excel. I hope I will do my part to help them sail through their school life savely and leave school with good preparation to face the uncertainty of real world. I love you kids..

How to Save Money

Saving money is one of those tasks that's so much easier said than done. There's more to it than spending less money (although that part alone can be challenging). How much money will you save, where will you put it, and how can you make sure it stays there? Here's how to set realistic goals, keep your spending in check, and pay yourself first.

The steps are

1.Set savings goals. For short-term goals, this is easy. If you want to buy a video game, find out how much it costs; if you want to buy a house, determine how much of a down payment you’ll need. For long-term goals, such as retirement, you’ll need to do a lot more planning (figuring out how much money you’ll need to live comfortably for 20 or 30 years after you stop working), and you’ll also need to figure out how investments will help you achieve your goals.

Kill your debt first. Simply calculating how much you spend each month on your debts will illustrate that eliminating debt is the fastest way to free up money. Once the money is freed from debt payment, it can easily be re-purposed to savings.

2. Establish a timeframe. For example: "I want to be able to buy a house two years from today." Set a particular date for accomplishing shorter-term goals, and make sure the goal is attainable within that time period. If it’s not attainable, you’ll just get discouraged.

3. Figure out how much you’ll have to save per week, per month, or per paycheck to attain each of your savings goals. Take each thing you want to save for and figure out how much you need to start saving now. For most savings goals, it’s best to save the same amount each period. For example, if you want to put a $20,000 down payment on a home in 36 months (three years), you’ll need to save about $550 per month every month. But if your paychecks amount to $1000, it might not be a realistic goal, so adjust your timeframe until you come up with an approachable amount.

4. Keep a record of your expenses. What you save falls between two activities and their difference: how much you make and how much you spend. Since you have more control over how much you spend, it's wise to take a critical look at your expenses. Write down everything you spend your money on for a couple weeks or a month. Be as detailed as possible, and try not to leave out small purchases. Assign each purchase or expenditure a category such as: Rent, Car insurance, Car payments, Phone Bill, Cable Bill, Utilities, Gas, Food, Entertainment, etc.
Keep a small notebook with you at all times. Get in the habit of recording every expense and saving the receipts.
Sit down once a week with your small notebook and receipts. Record your expenses in a larger notebook or a spreadsheet program.

5. Trim your expenses. Take a good, hard look at your spending records after a month or two have passed. You’ll probably be surprised when you look back at your record of expenses: $300 on ice cream, $100 on parking tickets? You’ll likely see some obvious cuts you can make. Depending on how much you need to save, however, you may need to make some difficult decisions. Think about your priorities, and make cuts you can live with. Calculate how much those cuts will save you per year, and you'll be much more motivated to pinch pennies.
Can you move to a less expensive apartment or house? Can you refinance your mortgage?
Can you consolidate your debts so that you're not paying as much interest?
Can you save money on gas, or give up a car altogether? If your family has multiple cars, can you bring it down to one?
Can you get a better price on insurance? Call around and make sure you are getting the best price you can. Consider taking a higher deductible, too.
Can you drop a land line and only use your cell phone?
Can you live without cable or satellite TV?
Can you cut down on your utility bills?
Can you restrict eating out? Buy food in bulk? Cook more at home? You might be able to save a lot of money on food.

6. Reassess your savings goals. Subtract your expenses (the ones you can't live without) from your take-home income (i.e. after taxes have been taken out). What is the difference? And does it match up with your savings goals? Let's say you've decided you can definitely get by on $1500 per month, and your paychecks amount to $2300 per month. That leaves you with $800 to save. If there’s absolutely no way you can fit all your savings goals into your budget, take a look at what you’re saving for and cut the less important things or adjust the timeframe. Maybe you need to put off buying a new car for another year, or maybe you don’t really need a big-screen TV that badly.
7. Make a budget. Once you’ve managed to balance your earnings with your savings goals and spending, write down a budget so you’ll know each month or each paycheck how much you can spend on any given thing or category of things. This is especially important for expenses which tend to fluctuate, or which you know you're going to have a particularly hard time restricting. (E.g. "I will only spend $30 a month on movies/chocolate/coffee/etc.")

8. Stop using credit cards. Pay for everything with cash or money orders. Don't even use checks. It's easier to overspend when you're pulling from a bank or credit account because you don't know exactly how much is in there. If you have cash, you can see your supply running low. You can even bundle up the predetermined amount of cash allocated for each expense with a label or keep separate jars for each expense (e.g. a bundle/jar for coffee, another for gas, another for miscellaneous). As you pull money from a jar for that particular expense, you'll see how much remains and you'll also be reminded of your limit.

If you need to have credit cards but you don't want the temptation of having them available to use day-to-day, restrict that section of your wallet with a note or picture reminding you of your savings goals.

9. Credit cards are not inherently evil; it's all about your self control. If you use them responsibly (i.e. completely pay them off every month), you can benefit from them. But the reason most credit card companies make money, however, is because people end up spending money that they don't have. Unless you are one of the people who can religiously pay off the balance in full every month, you're better off foregoing the promotions that credit card companies use to lure you in (cash back, introductory APR, airline miles, and so on).

10. Open an interest-bearing savings account. It’s a lot easier to keep track of your savings if you have them separate from your spending money. You can also usually get better interest on savings accounts than on checking accounts (if you get interest on your checking account at all). Consider higher-interest options such as CDs or money-market accounts for longer savings goals.

11. Know where your money is. And how much of it, too. If you accidentally overdraw your bank account, you will incur hefty bank fees; worse yet, the place you paid with that check may slap a bounced check fee on top of that, and send the check in again, resulting in a second overdraft fee from the bank! So just a few cents missing to cover that check could result in over $100 in fees. To avoid that, you should always know how much money you've got in your account(s), so you never cut a check for more than what you have.
Look into checking and savings accounts that pay interest. Also, consider CDs (certificates of deposit) for longer-term savings with low risk.

12. Pay yourself first. Savings should be your priority, so don’t just say that you’ll save whatever’s left over at the end of the month. Deposit savings into an account (or your piggybank) as soon as you get paid. An easy, effective way to start saving is to simply deposit 10% of every check in a savings account. If you get a check or sum of cash, say 710.68, move the decimal point one place to the left and deposit that amount: 71.07. This works well and requires little thought; over several years, you've a tidy sum in savings. Over decades, you'll be a millionaire.

13. You can set up an automatic transfer from your checking account to your savings account.
Many employers allow you to deduct savings from your paycheck. The money is directly deposited in your savings account so you never even see it on your paycheck.
You can also have investments for retirement taken directly out of your pay, and the taxes may be deferred with this option.

Chasing for time

I need to complete my theses by March. Really working hard to finish it. i am envy of my friends who are well disciplined and able to complete on time. You really need a time line, karthik... I remind to myself. Time line?? How many time lines you have made? I need self motivation. Sometimes starting at 10 pm until 2 am I can write up to 4 pages. Some time for the same hours I could only write half page. Writing is an art. You need patient, you must love it, you must spend hours to master it. I believe I can. After all you decide your own destiny. Lets the day come and lets see whether I have meet the latest time line.

My great motivators are my family members. My wife will neve fail to warn me if i missed a not typing my work. My son favourite question is "dad! when you going to finish it?" My daughter though a little slow will suddenly asked "you must complete your work rite??"
To all my motivators, i will never let you down....

Children!! Please don't burden your parents with pain

I come across with discipline cases almost everyday. Nowadays the children just don't hesitate to hurt parents feelings. When we call parents about their children's mischieves, they come to school and can see tears flowing.It's very sad moments and we have to console them and motivate them. When I was a young boy, I never make my parents cry due to my bad behaviour. I don't know whom to be blamed!! The parents?? The children?? We as teachers are having a very heavy task of taking care these children. We educate them, instill good values and make sure they are well disciplined before leave the school.
Children!! Please don't hurt your parents feeling. They are the guardian for you, without them you are nowhere. Treasure every moments with them!!!
Just can't take the pain when watching the parents cry because of their children's bad behaviour....

My form six kds

I have a bunch of form six kids which make me to go to school without fail. I will be waiting for the Business studies(BS) periods. Time goes very fast. Its almost a year with all of you. i never experience this kind of feeling with my students. You all are very special.

Special thanks to my six formers, shah (the tall handsome serilous guy) , mei shan (the charming cheeky voice doll), hidayah (you have a beutiful smile), Amirah (the silent beuty butproduce brillliant answer) farah (the kiddy with sweet smile), faizal (you have a politician look- i hope one day you will be a parliament member), shaiful (the cool handsome guy) , najad (he can crack jokes at the most hardest time, thanks), ehsan (the coolest person on the earth), ying ying (leng-leng), aida (attention-interest-desire-action) my favourite BS student, shima (the cheerful gal), nabihah (always try to argue with me but I enjoy the moments), Rodhi ( I am really hoping on you to score an A in BS- you are such a hardwoking gal), Azieana (the care taker of BS class), Julie (the beutiful smiley gal), Hajar (the businesswoman), and finaly Rosebel the tireless gal who can manage time the best than anyone else.

I hope you will be here for another two years!!! Just hope!! I dont think so i will a bunch of students like you. When you first come to this school, I thought it will be difficult for me to manage you all. But you have change the perception. Now I feel sad when I think of the you all will leave the school. But that's fate. You are students and your life in secondary school is numbered.

Good luck guys!!!!!

A day with EA teachers

For the past two days I was invited as a speaker for Ekonomi Asas Teachers in KL. Nice to see the friendly and hardworking teachers!! They throw many questions and it was more like an interactive session. I hope the education department will conduct more courses like this to create professional platform for the teachers to discuss and get ideas on planning and doing better teaching